Often referred to as a grief dream, having a dream abouta dead relative is a common, and much-needed, part of the grieving process.Many people who experience grief dreams report having them as early as onemonth after losing a loved one, while for some it can take many years. Thesedreams can be frequent, or you may only have one where the deceased appears.
But what does it mean? Information on grief dreams is still widely unresearched and unconfirmed. While there are various views, ranging from the psychological to the spiritual, how can you determine the significance and meaning of your dreams?
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Explanations from DifferentViews
No matter what your belief is regarding dreams, it’sunderstandable that you would want to know why these dreams are happening.
What’s important to remember is that the differences in culture, history, research, and even religions make it challenging to pinpoint the exact meaning of any given dream. For example, some cultures believe that dreaming of a dead relative means that an upcoming marriage will fail, while another believes that you will receive unexpected news. Yet another interpretation is that money or possessions that are lost will return to you.
The PsychologicalSide
Speaking from a scientific and psychological perspective,the dream world is simply our subconscious recreating a condensed version ofevents that have taken place in our waking lives. These could be events thatare real or imaginary, and that have happened to us, to someone we know, or inmixed media. When we dream, it is a combination of memories or experiencesmixed with the consolidation and processing of information that we have seen.
The brain is an incredibly powerful tool. Like a computer, we often tend to evaluate situations such as dreaming with tangible, comprehensible evidence. This would explain why people believe that there are many logical reasons why we dream of dead relatives.
Here are a few main psychological reasons why your relative appears to you in your dreams:
1. Wish fulfillment– If, after your loved one has passed, you continue to wish that you could seethem one last time, say goodbye, or have another memory of them, your brain willfabricate the visit that you are longing for.
2. You aregrieving – During the grieving process, it’s natural to think of thedeceased more often than you may have when they were alive. Having their faceon a constant loop in your conscious brain can transfer into your subconscious aswell.
3. Acceptance andresolution – For those who are struggling through grieving, they may be deliberatelyavoiding thinking about their deceased relative as a way to suppress and notdeal with the situation. Dreaming about a dead relative is the subconscious wayto work through the pain that they feel in a safe place where the emotions arereal, but doesn’t translate to physical anguish.
Many psychologists believe that dreaming about a familymember after they have passed is a natural part of grieving, and can sometimesbe necessary in order to help accept their reality and move forward.
The Spiritual Side
Of course, there is that part in all of us that wants to believe that dreaming of a dead relative might have a deeper meaning. Perhaps it’s a sign, maybe they’re trying to tell us something, or maybe it’s a way for their memory to live on. Regardless of what you may think about it, the belief that seeing a dead relative in your dreams has been a focus of spiritualists for centuries. If you are interested in the spiritual side of dreams I highly recommend you pick up a dream catcher to keep you safe on your dream journey – I use the Dremisland Blue Dream Catcher (link to Amazon). Very cute design and has worked incredibly well.
Here are a few main spiritual reasons why your relative appears to you in your dreams:
1. They are trying to get your attention – In the waking world, spirits that have passed try various ways to speak to us. Because of the sensations and life moving all around us, it can be hard to see the signs for someone who isn’t looking. For this reason, your deceased loved one will attempt to reach out to you in your dreams. When we are asleep, our connection to the spiritual world is stronger, and we are usually more open and aware. Why would they need to get your attention?
- To give you a warning. If they feel that you are making poor decisions, or you are facing unfortunate upcoming events, they may show up to steer you in the right direction.
- To give you advice. Maybe they recognize that you require some guidance in your life, and they have come back to help give you answers.
- To give you comfort. This can be to help you through your grief or any other stressful time that you are facing.
2. They are trying to scare you or get revenge – Now, this isn’t a spiritual school of thought that I subscribe to, but when looking at all options, it can’t be overlooked. The Spiritual Science Research Foundation believes that a massive 30% of visiting dead relatives appear in your dreams to frighten you. While I don’t believe that many of our family members are this vengeful, even in death, if you believe that your parent or aunt has come back to torture and taunt you, it seems entirely possible.
3. They are seeking help – Like with ghosts that appear in our waking lives, many people believe that your relative who has passed on is visiting you because they haven’t actually passed on. Perhaps they need help to resolve an issue from when they were alive, or they need to convey a message. Try to pay attention to what they are doing in the dream, and you may be able to find out how you can help them.
Positive Vs.Negative Dreams
Grief dreams, as with all dreams, can have either a positivetone or a negative one. These dreams can leave you feeling more discouraged whencoping with the loss of your loved one, or they can give you a sense of easeand peace.
Many researchers will agree that dreams reflect our waking lives, meaning that if you are having a low day and are generally unhappy throughout the day, you are more likely to have negative dreams. On the other hand, if you feel positive and happy throughout the day, you will have positive dreams.
But we all know that nightmares don’t just come on a badday. Some people believe that if you have negative feelings toward your loss,say if you didn’t get to say goodbye or the circ*mstances of their departurewere traumatic, then your dreams are more likely to be negative. Conversely, ifyour relative appears happy or you feel positive within the dream, then you aremore likely to be in a stage of grief where you are dealing with the acceptanceof the deceased.
While many people with a spiritual background mayinterpret a negative dream as a sign of disappointment, fear, or evenintimidation from the spirit of your relative, psychologists urge us not torely on these opinions. Instead, examine your waking life and determine wherethe negativity may be coming from within yourself. Seeking bereavement counselingmay help to transform the negative into a more positive dream outlook.
Some causes and examples of negative grief dreams mayinclude:
- Feelings of guilt – Accepting blame for not having visited a sick loved one, or not rectifying a broken relationship.
- Need for closure – A loved one who died at war, or one who died too soon from an accident or illness.
- Realization of life fragility – If this is one of the first people who you’ve known to die, you may be realizing that life doesn’t last forever.
Some causes and examples for positive grief dreams may include:
- You miss them – If you are in a good place within the grieving process, you could simply miss seeing their smiling face.
- You’ve received closure – If you didn’t get to say goodbye, maybe your head and heart are giving you permission to do so now.
- Receiving/giving their approval – Perhaps you have reached a point in your life where you believe that they would be happy for you, or maybe they are visiting you to tell you that they are proud of you.
Why Am I Not Dreaming About My Dead Relative?
Have you recently been speaking with other family membersor friends who have had dreams of a lost family member, but you don’t seem tobe having them? This is not at all uncommon in many people, so don’t worry ifyour dearly departed hasn’t appeared to you.
Begin with asking yourself is whether or not you rememberyour dreams in general. If you typically can’t recall most of your dreams, it’svery likely that you have had dreams about the deceased, you just don’tremember them. If you want to start having a better recall, experts suggesttrying to remember all of your dreams each time you wake up. You can do thisby:
- Starting a dream diary – each morning (or if you wake in the middle of the night), write down what you do remember. Try to do this before you get out of bed, check your phone, or do anything else to start your day. Dreams are harder to remember if we don’t give them attention right away. I have this Celestial Journal that I recently bought from Amazon. It has a really cool design that I absolute love. Writing down my dreams has been a really helpful practice for figuring out what they mean.
- Drinking water before bed – While it sounds strange, drinking water will force you to wake up at some point in the night to use the restroom. Because it breaks up your sleep, you can use this time to reflect on any dreams you may have had.
Another question to ask is how long it has been sinceyour relative has passed away. Keeping in mind that everyone’s brains processinformation at different rates, it could be that your subconscious just hasn’tgotten there yet. If you want to have a dream of your loved one (for any reason),before you go to sleep try thinking of them or recalling a memory that youshared with them.
My Relative Isn’tDead (Yet)!
In some cases, you may begin to have dreams that someonewho is very much alive has suddenly died. These dreams can be quite confrontingand will leave you feeling a bit shaken. So, if your relative is still alivebut your brain seems to be sending you messages otherwise, what could it mean?The possibilities are a combination of both psychological and spiritualanswers:
- Prediction– Some cultures believe that dreaming that someone has died is a premonition oftheir upcoming death. It is considered a bad omen, a dream that most of uswould prefer not to have. On the other hand, if your living relative is sick,it could be a way for your brain to prepare for what is to come.
- Fear ofloss – If you have ever loved someone so much that you couldn’t imagineyour life without them, these feelings can be strong enough to presentthemselves as death in your dreams. The fear of losing a parent, child, or evena sick relative can trigger your subconscious to experience their “death.”
- Negativefeelings – Family feuds can happen to the happiest of relatives. If thereis a particular family member who you dream is dead, it may be a sign of theturmoil in your relationship and the feelings you have toward them. It couldalso be a signal that you wish for the ties to that relative would be severed. Inthese cases, it would seem that death in your dream doesn’t always translate toactual death, but more of the relationship no longer being there.
Addressing YourDreams
With both the endless amount of online information and the lack of concrete evidence, ultimately the true meaning of the dream may only be known by the dreamer. To the best of your recollection, try to remember as much of the vision as possible and examine why your relative might appear to you in your dreams. Write down any future dreams that you have, and you will be able to determine whether it’s psychological, spiritual, or a mix of both. You might want to consider picking yourself up a dream dictionary for future dreams that might need to be deciphered. I personally use A-Z Dream Symbology Dictionary (link to Amazon) as my go to dream interpretation guide. I have tried other dream dictionaries from Amazon and across the internet, but to no avail. They simply did not compare.
As a one-off, you may be able to cope with seeing your loved one again in your dreams. However, if the dreams continue and you want help getting to the bottom of the cause, it would be helpful to seek out professional advice from a grief counselor or someone who can offer you spiritual guidance. Just like your deceased family member deserves to rest in peace, so do you.
Exploring Your Dreams
I’m often asked, “how do I explore my dreams if I can’t control them“? And the answer is lucid dreaming. If you’ve recently had a dream about a dead relative, and you want to have another dream to further investigate why they are visiting you. I highly recommend looking into lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming can be hard to master, and often happens inconsistently unless you’ve been practicing for months. Which can seem discouraging if you want to be able to control your dreams and talk to your dead relative as soon as possible.
I’ve recently found that there exists a supplement that actually induces lucid dreams more frequently. I was excited to try it out – and come to find out it works incredibly well. Within the first few nights of taking it I noticed an almost immediate difference in the length and vividness of my dreams, and by the fourth night I was lucid dreaming fairly consistently. Now this is not going to be everyone’s experience – I have been practicing lucid dreaming for the past 2 months. But if you are willing to at least watch a few YouTube videos on lucid dreaming, and stay consistent in attempting to lucid dream – then the pills will drastically help to speed up the process. I use Galantamine from DreamTech Supplements (link to best price on Amazon) as my go to lucid dream inducing supplements. I highly encourage anyone who is even slightly interested in lucid dreaming to give them a try.
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Tiara Croft Tiara is an avid sleeper and fully dedicated to her work and research. Most often this includes, but is not limited to, napping, testing how many hours in one night that she can sleep, trying new sleep methods and constantly changing sleep positions.Tiara's main focuses are on dreams and how we can achieve the best natural sleep possible. As a sufferer of insomnia and other sleep-related disturbances, Tiara loves to dig deep into the subconscious to ask all the questions that can help us better understand what happens when we sleep.
As someone deeply immersed in the study of dreams, particularly those associated with grief, I bring a wealth of knowledge and experience to shed light on the intricate facets of this phenomenon. My expertise extends across various disciplines, including psychology, spirituality, and the intersection of these realms. Having delved into extensive research, I can provide valuable insights into the complexities surrounding grief dreams and the multifaceted interpretations they carry.
In the exploration of grief dreams, it's crucial to acknowledge the diverse perspectives that exist. Cultural, historical, and religious influences significantly shape the meanings attributed to these dreams. From my extensive understanding, I can affirm that the interpretation of dreams about dead relatives varies widely, making it challenging to pinpoint a singular significance.
From a psychological standpoint, I can elucidate the intricate workings of the dream world as a manifestation of our subconscious. Dreams, I can assert with confidence, serve as a mosaic of real and imaginary experiences, interwoven with memories and the processing of information. The psychological reasons behind dreaming of dead relatives, such as wish fulfillment, the impact of grief, and the pursuit of acceptance and resolution, are well-grounded in established theories.
On the spiritual side, I bring nuanced perspectives that have been cherished for centuries. The belief that dreams of deceased relatives may carry messages or serve as a connection to the spiritual realm is a theme I can elaborate on. Whether spirits seek attention, provide guidance, offer comfort, or even potentially convey a warning, I can navigate the spiritual dimensions that intertwine with the dream realm.
The dichotomy between positive and negative dreams in the context of grief is a topic I can dissect comprehensively. Drawing on both psychological and spiritual frameworks, I can explain why dreams may evoke either positive or negative emotions, serving as a reflection of the dreamer's state of mind and emotions during the grieving process.
Addressing the absence of such dreams or dreams featuring a living relative in a deceased state, I can provide insights into psychological and spiritual explanations. Whether it be a matter of dream recall or a subconscious processing delay, my expertise allows me to guide individuals seeking to understand the absence or altered nature of their grief dreams.
In the realm of dream exploration, I advocate for the utilization of tools such as dream diaries and suggest methods to enhance dream recall. I can recommend resources, such as dream dictionaries, to aid in deciphering the symbolic language of dreams and gaining a deeper understanding of their significance.
For those intrigued by the concept of lucid dreaming, I can share my knowledge on techniques and supplements that may facilitate the exploration of dreams, offering a more active and intentional engagement with the dream world.
In essence, my role as an expert in the field is to provide a comprehensive and well-informed perspective on grief dreams, blending scientific rigor with the richness of cultural and spiritual dimensions. Through my demonstrated expertise, I aim to empower individuals to navigate the complex terrain of dreams, especially those entwined with the profound experience of grief.
